Sleepless In the Midwest!

I'm hot and I can't sleep! The temperature is that perfect blend of heat and chill which renders the central air conditioning practically useless. It's just cool enough to keep it from coming on and just warm enough for me to be up in the middle of the night writing this blog. As I write, I can't help but think back to when I was a kid, living on a farm in the midwest and sweltering through the days and nights of hot August. Very few homes had air-conditioning, let alone CENTRAL AIR! But we DID have fans. Big, heavy metal things that took a handtruck to move from room to room and made conversation impossible if the day was hot enough for that fan to be turned on high! We had one of those. It was big, boxy and blue. It was supposed to be designed to make life more comfortable by violently stirring the air into a frenzy when it was place in a room. Now, I have no problems with a good, stiff breeze blowing through the house, but I prefer my breezes to be on the quiet side. I prefer QUIET when I am trying to read, write or work in various ways. And I definately prefer QUIET when I am supposed to be sleeping. Mom would haul that blue monstrosity upstairs, plug it in and turn it on HIGH so that the air would circulate through both rooms. In the upstairs, in the middle of the night, in the midst of a bad case of insomnia, that thing would roar and rumble like a bi-plane with a bad miss in the engine. Just when you thought you had caught a rythm and were about to be lulled to sleep by it, the sound would change and you'd have to start all over again. I was glad when that fan died!
My mother mourned it's loss for years. She bought another blue box fan, but it had too much plastic on it, it was too light and it made very little noise. Therefore, it COULD NOT put out a good breeze. She complained bitterly summer after summer! But I......well, I couldn't help myself.....I clapped for joy (on the inside, where Mom couldn't see) when they hauled that fan to the dump! And I climbed the stairs and went to sleep, which is what I'm gonna try to do right now if I can ever get cooled down!!!

Sarah Casey, new friend!

I can't believe that I am about to admit my total ignorance for all the world to see, but hey.....what's a girl to do? I AM in the dark most of the time about anything that has to do with the computer, or emailing, or anything else that can't be done with a Bic pen and a notebook! I am scratching and clawing my way into the 21st century with all of it's cyber-stuff and, believe me, I am leaving behind an unsightly trail of mess-ups and confusion. So, having said all that, I now move on the the 'revealing of the ignorant'! Some of you have been kind enough to leave nice comments on some of my blogs. I recognize most of you.....Melanie, Pam, Sherry, etc., but I have a great desire to find out who the new friend is that left her comments about Buffy, the granddog. Sarah Casey is her name and she sounds just like the kind of person that I like to have for a friend. Sarah, you left me a very sweet message and I would really like to correspond with you, but...........I can't find you!! Your second message told me that you would mark the email box, or some such thing as that, but.......and here is where I show my complete ignorance....
I have NO CLUE where to find such a thing. I have double clicked everything that could be clicked and a bunch of stuff that just ignored me when it WAS clicked. Nothing....not good.... not good at all. So, I'm asking for a little help from Sarah. If you read my blog again, PLEASE let me know how to contact you. I'm all about friends and you sound like you might just fit that description. And the rest of you.......don't just sit there!! If you know about this email box thingy, HELP ME!! I've fallen into a blog and I can't get up!!!

Exercise is VERY unhealthy!

They say it's never too late to start being health consious and the first two steps are learning to eat right and getting plenty of exercise. The eating right part is pretty standard around our house. We have been eating right for a good many years and it has really begun to show. All that healthy eating has spread my middle aged body out into shapes and places it should never be. After catching one too many glimpses of myself in the mirror and jumping in fright that there was a walrus in my bedroom, I figured it was time to team the 'eating right' with the 'exercise'. Now, I used to exercise religiously as a young, thin, agile woman. I could just slip right back into old habits and the end result would be .......... well, who knows? But, how hard could it be. Yeah......right!! My toe touches ended just below my knees and THAT was a stretch.
My sit-ups made me realize that my sphincter muscle was weaker that I thought and I thought it was pretty bad to begin with. And jumping jacks now danced all the figurines off their shelves. OK......so I need to change course here, just a little. I got myself a dvd, an exercise ball and 'the STEP' (as advertised on TV, or so they say). I was so excited about my new plan. I made sure that no humans were within 4 miles of me, dressed myself in my hottub shorts and shirt, popped in the dvd and proceeded to ......................................fall right off that ridiculous 'Step'. Now, you tell me how a person is supposed to watch the dvd, following the instructor who is going twice as fast as a jackrabbit AND be able to see that your feet are correctly landing on a tiny little plastic step. So, now I had a twisted hip and a sprained ankle to complete my new exercise program with. Oh, well! I'll skip to the ball. I could sit, or lay, on it. This looked like a workable plan to me. Not so simple. Balls are round! I am round! Two round things together do not make for pleasant circumstances. I fell off the ball.......more than once. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that exercising is dangerous and very unhealthy unless, of course, you are already a size 2 and primed for the olympics. (Which I most definately am NOT)

The only good bug is a dead bug!!!

It's a pathetic thing when all I can find to write about are bugs!! I never thought that the hateful little things would become such an integral part of my life, but when creepy-crawlies 'bring home the bacon', you have the tendency to fixate on them, just a little. I start out every day in the world of insects. The minute the phone rings for the first time, early in the morning, to the last call, late at night (and sometimes in the middle of the night), I am sucked right into this netherworld of nasty creatures. I really don't know how I ended up here! I WAS a teacher. I WAS a musician. I WAS a seamstress and a lot of other normal things. NOW....I'm the 'bug lady'. I hate bugs. The only good bug is a dead bug and I do my job to make sure that my part of the world is rid of as many of them as is humanly possible. I specifically hate spiders, moths and june bugs. These three insects can send me into hysteria in a split second, especially if they are found within a foot of my person. Spiders love to lurk in hidden places, just waiting for the chance to sink their fangs into a poor unsuspecting human. They creep along, skulking in corners, rushing across floors right in front of bare feet and dangling in front of your face as you walk under light fixtures. HORRID CREATURES!! Moths, on the other hand, with their ugly, fuzzy bodies, will congregate outside your door and lie in wait for you to turn on the porch light. As soon as that light comes on, the head moth gives the command over his headset to all other fliers and every moth within striking distance will dive bomb you and harass you as you run for cover. And JUNE BUGS....they are just about the stupidest bug in the world. They should never be allowed to fly. They don't watch where they are going and they can end up ANYWHERE!! Just this week, I thought there was a tag inside my blouse that was sticking me in the side. I never remembered being stuck with a tag there, before, and it was an old blouse. When I turned up the hem to look, it was a ridiculous June bug who had gotten WAY off course, there, somewhere! Believe me, he died a violent death for his stupidity!! So, while I may have to live in the world of insects everyday of my life, I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE 'EM!!! I take sadistic pleasure in knowing that I am responsible for the early demise of many of the nasty things, because.....the only good bug is a dead bug!!!

The Mean Green Machine!!

(note to readers: there will be NO self-incriminating pictures posted with this blog. Suffice it to say that this is one woman's testimony of battle against the evil world of the mean green machine.)
I awoke on Saturday morning with a dozen things running through my head about what needed to be done that day. The whole day stretched before me.....an empty slate just waiting to be filled with whatever I chose. Ken was scheduled to do termite work all day and I was NOT scheduled to answer phones and do paperwork. Saturday is the one day that I can do whatsoever I wish and not feel guilty about it. ( I do whatsoever I wish on other days, too, but always with a great degree of guilt since I am SUPPOSED to be WORKING instead of gratifying my own desires.....but we won't go there!) I looked out my bedroom window to scope out the lay of the land on the outside and it was looking pretty good for some outdoor activity after it warmed up a bit. I needed to finish up the bathroom, so I got busy doing that and one thing led to another until I had successfully used up all of the morning and was starting into the afternoon. The forecast was for rain to develop later, so I thought to myself: "Lorna, you should really mow the yard! That's what you should do!!" "Good idea", I said back. Then I remembered that the battery was dead on the riding lawn mower. I don't know what it is about lawnmowers that we cannot keep in good running order!!! This mower had only been used about 6 times and already the battery was past helping. Of course, it does hinder the cause when certain people, who shall remain un-named, leave the key on. Oh, well.....batteries were made for jumping, so I fetched the pickup truck, the jumper cables and the gasoline and set out to get that mower started. Did I mention that this is a new mower to me? It the same as the old one....it's green and has Craftsman printed on it.... but it doesn't act the same as the old one. The old mower was a normal mower. To go into a different gear, you must first push in the clutch. To get to reverse, you must first push in the clutch. To get the thing to stop, you must first push in the clutch. I know about clutches. What I don't know about is a machine that does not need a clutch to do all these things. You simply move the handle forward or backward and the mower will respond accordingly. Going a little too fast through that taller grass? Ease back on the handle and the machine will slow down. Got a long, straight shot of yard that can handle more speed? Push forward, and away we go!! It sounds very simple, but for people like me with clutches on the brain, this machine can turn mean in an instant! And that's what happened to me. I was mowing in the back yard, intent on getting all the grass cut that could possibly come under the blades of my nifty little mower, when that machine got a mean streak and leaped right into a patch of tall grass between the chain link fence and the propane tank!! OK, maybe it didn't do it on purpose. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I pushed the handle toward 'speed' instead of 'slow'. But the fact remains that I was stuck until Ken could come home and bail me out of my predicament. Oh.......the laughter and the mocking and the sly looks that I endured from my unsympathetic (or should I say PATHETIC) family members......the indignity that I suffered from being bested by a piece of machinery.......all because I happen to do better with a good, old fashioned, simple clutch!!! Stupid mean, green, mowing machine!

The Menagerie

I walked out my back door this morning to a beautiful sight and sound! Looking at me, over the fence that separates the pastures, were four very muddy and scroungy-looking horses. I was greeted by impatient snorts and excited whinnies. You would never know that the beasts had been fed just the evening before! I'm pretty sure they are hogs in horse skins!! At the sound of the horses, the cat came careening around the corner, making all kinds of anxious, starving noises. He jumped up on the hottub lid and proceeded to fall over on his side as if to say, "this is me....going fast." When they heard the cat rowling around, both dogs came running for their share of the attention and possible treat. I was rather surprised to see Snickers. He apparently has one, or more, girlfriends that he has been visiting for the last week. (We have GOT to get that dog fixed before the whole countryside slaps a paternity suit on us!) I spoke to each one and floundered my way through paws, tails and tongues to get into my office to do the morning paperwork. On my way down the sidewalk, through the rain dripping from the trees, I listened to the birds and reflected on how blessed I am. I have been given the desires of my heart. I am a country girl, through and through, and God has allowed me to reap the enjoyments of His blessings and good pleasure in His creation. I have a friend who married a farmboy. She told me the other day that when she got married, she never 'signed on' for all the animals and farm life that it would bring. Well.......I DID! After spending 5 years of our lives in Cincinnati and the other 15 in various small town, I was FINALLY given the oportunity to go back to my roots. I love muddy horses and pesky cats and over-sized dogs! I love the sights, sounds and smells of our little farm that greet me every day. I love to watch the antics of our animals, which has grown to be quite a menagerie. (those stories are for other blogs at a later date, just like the one where Lucky got all four feet stuck under the fence and I thought she was having convulsions... or when Snickers got locked in the barn overnight and we thought it was the neighbors dog barking his head off. We were so annoyed at that neighbor.......) When life gets crazy and I need to regroup, I can go to the pasture with a curry brush and groom away my frustrations and fears. I can confide in my horse and she will listen to every word I say. (Seriously, she DOES!!)
I just want to publicly thank God for giving me this home in the country and this delightful menagerie to be responsible for. Life in the country................it's all good!

The Farmer took a Wife!

It's the story........of a lovely lady.........!! Actually, the story is of a hardworking and very capable farmer's wife. Her name was Margaret Polly (Kerns) Stimmel and she was my Mother! This will be my eighth Mothers' Day without her. We never really made a big deal out of Mothers' Day. Oh, Dad took her out to dinner on Saturday night, but he did that every Saturday night, anyway. We usually bought her perfume or a bathrobe or something like that, but she always seemed to develop an allergy to the perfume and after the initial wearing of the robe, we'd catch her right back in her old ratty thing that she wore everyday. It wasn't that she was ungrateful. "Stuff" just did not matter to her! Her people were the important things in her life and she showed it in so many little ways. She didn't make flowery speeches. She simply stepped in to a situation and made it better than it was before. I remember wanting to go home sooo badly one week-end, but we just did not have the money to do it. We lived in a three room apartment with a small baby and Ken was working as a janitor at the school board to pay his tuition at God's Bible School. Believe me, there was no money bush anywhere near us! Mom called me and I told her, with much disappointment in my voice, I'm sure, that we were not coming. She sympathized with me and nonchalantly hung up the phone. 4 hours later, she and Daddy arrived at my door, bearing her wonderful fried chicken and deep dish macaroni and cheese. She was the type of Mother who made sure that the silverware was set on the left side of the plate for James since he was left handed......that Dad got the celery hearts since they were his favorite......that the porch light was left on if she knew you were coming in late........that the barn light was on so that Dad could back the wagons in after dark.......that there was plenty of iced tea and water on hand when we were working in the field during planting or harvest.......the list could go on and on of all the little, loving ways she made life all around her a better place to be. This is just a very small tribute to a wonderful woman. My Mother, the farmer's wife! Oh, to be just half of the woman she was!!!!!!!