Exercise is VERY unhealthy!

They say it's never too late to start being health consious and the first two steps are learning to eat right and getting plenty of exercise. The eating right part is pretty standard around our house. We have been eating right for a good many years and it has really begun to show. All that healthy eating has spread my middle aged body out into shapes and places it should never be. After catching one too many glimpses of myself in the mirror and jumping in fright that there was a walrus in my bedroom, I figured it was time to team the 'eating right' with the 'exercise'. Now, I used to exercise religiously as a young, thin, agile woman. I could just slip right back into old habits and the end result would be .......... well, who knows? But, how hard could it be. Yeah......right!! My toe touches ended just below my knees and THAT was a stretch.
My sit-ups made me realize that my sphincter muscle was weaker that I thought and I thought it was pretty bad to begin with. And jumping jacks now danced all the figurines off their shelves. OK......so I need to change course here, just a little. I got myself a dvd, an exercise ball and 'the STEP' (as advertised on TV, or so they say). I was so excited about my new plan. I made sure that no humans were within 4 miles of me, dressed myself in my hottub shorts and shirt, popped in the dvd and proceeded to ......................................fall right off that ridiculous 'Step'. Now, you tell me how a person is supposed to watch the dvd, following the instructor who is going twice as fast as a jackrabbit AND be able to see that your feet are correctly landing on a tiny little plastic step. So, now I had a twisted hip and a sprained ankle to complete my new exercise program with. Oh, well! I'll skip to the ball. I could sit, or lay, on it. This looked like a workable plan to me. Not so simple. Balls are round! I am round! Two round things together do not make for pleasant circumstances. I fell off the ball.......more than once. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that exercising is dangerous and very unhealthy unless, of course, you are already a size 2 and primed for the olympics. (Which I most definately am NOT)