The Mean Green Machine!!

(note to readers: there will be NO self-incriminating pictures posted with this blog. Suffice it to say that this is one woman's testimony of battle against the evil world of the mean green machine.)
I awoke on Saturday morning with a dozen things running through my head about what needed to be done that day. The whole day stretched before me.....an empty slate just waiting to be filled with whatever I chose. Ken was scheduled to do termite work all day and I was NOT scheduled to answer phones and do paperwork. Saturday is the one day that I can do whatsoever I wish and not feel guilty about it. ( I do whatsoever I wish on other days, too, but always with a great degree of guilt since I am SUPPOSED to be WORKING instead of gratifying my own desires.....but we won't go there!) I looked out my bedroom window to scope out the lay of the land on the outside and it was looking pretty good for some outdoor activity after it warmed up a bit. I needed to finish up the bathroom, so I got busy doing that and one thing led to another until I had successfully used up all of the morning and was starting into the afternoon. The forecast was for rain to develop later, so I thought to myself: "Lorna, you should really mow the yard! That's what you should do!!" "Good idea", I said back. Then I remembered that the battery was dead on the riding lawn mower. I don't know what it is about lawnmowers that we cannot keep in good running order!!! This mower had only been used about 6 times and already the battery was past helping. Of course, it does hinder the cause when certain people, who shall remain un-named, leave the key on. Oh, well.....batteries were made for jumping, so I fetched the pickup truck, the jumper cables and the gasoline and set out to get that mower started. Did I mention that this is a new mower to me? It the same as the old one....it's green and has Craftsman printed on it.... but it doesn't act the same as the old one. The old mower was a normal mower. To go into a different gear, you must first push in the clutch. To get to reverse, you must first push in the clutch. To get the thing to stop, you must first push in the clutch. I know about clutches. What I don't know about is a machine that does not need a clutch to do all these things. You simply move the handle forward or backward and the mower will respond accordingly. Going a little too fast through that taller grass? Ease back on the handle and the machine will slow down. Got a long, straight shot of yard that can handle more speed? Push forward, and away we go!! It sounds very simple, but for people like me with clutches on the brain, this machine can turn mean in an instant! And that's what happened to me. I was mowing in the back yard, intent on getting all the grass cut that could possibly come under the blades of my nifty little mower, when that machine got a mean streak and leaped right into a patch of tall grass between the chain link fence and the propane tank!! OK, maybe it didn't do it on purpose. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I pushed the handle toward 'speed' instead of 'slow'. But the fact remains that I was stuck until Ken could come home and bail me out of my predicament. Oh.......the laughter and the mocking and the sly looks that I endured from my unsympathetic (or should I say PATHETIC) family members......the indignity that I suffered from being bested by a piece of machinery.......all because I happen to do better with a good, old fashioned, simple clutch!!! Stupid mean, green, mowing machine!